Spontaneous Human Combustion : Pavarotti
Look Alike Found Extra Crispy
Near Hyde Park, London, a man was found on Friday April
22, 2005 in his luxury top floor apartment burned beyond
recognition. By the time the fire department responded,
all that was found remaining was a smouldering heap of
ash in an unscathed extra-large Lazyboy recliner, along
with a left foot and right arm from the elbow down.
The prestigious Institute of Fire Engineers (IFE) was
baffled. “We just don’t know what could’ve happened in
there,” said a spokesman for the agency. “It’s like a
bomb went off inside this guy and nothing else got
touched around him.” The IFE flew in renowned fire
science expert Carrie Holycross from the United States
to investigate the scene. “After three days here,” said
Ms. Holycross, “it seems that this case fits into the
historical phenomena category.” When asked what she
meant by “historical phenomena,” Ms. Holycross
responded, “Don’t tell me that I have to say this on
air. It seems that there’s only room here for us to
extend our thinking further, to explore the possibility
of Spontaneous Human Combustion. I’ve only touched on
the subject before, now I’ve got to examine closely how
this case might relate historically to other such
reported cases.”
Too close to the gas oven or spontaneous human
combustion?
Spontaneous Human Combustion (SHC) is described loosely
as, ‘… a situation where the human body blisters, smokes
or otherwise ignites in the absence of an external
identifiable ignition source.’ The IFE has never
credited only SHC to the cause death of any human in
history. “We just don’t see how a body could burn, or
ignite by itself,” continued the organization’s
spokesman, “even more than what can be accomplished at a
crematorium.”
“I called the Fire Department right away,” said the
elderly Gertrude Dakine, a neighbor of the burn victim.
“I never approached him, but I swore he was Luciano
Pavarotti himself. I squealed like a schoolgirl when he
walked by. He had an air of luxury about him. I’d even
hear him sing. That Italian tenor, how angelic!” Other
neighbors claimed that the man didn’t frequent his
apartment often and that the elderly lady was in fact, a
‘basket case’.
The IFE’s had some initial concern that the victim could
have been Mr. Pavarotti. “The pictures all looked like
him,” said Ms. Holycross, “and he had all of Pavarotti’s
music on CD.” The real Mr. Pavarotti didn’t respond to
phone calls to his luxury villa in Italy, so DNA testing
revealed, much to the operatic world’s relief, that the
remains didn’t belong to the most famous of opera stars,
but actually to one Michael Richard Clark III, who was
said to be a Luciano Pavarotti impersonator, performing
at Wigmore Hall for tourists and other visitors.
“We are still going to give this case the importance it
deserves,” Ms. Holycross assured the concerned public
and tenants near Hyde Park on BBC pointing to a small
black duffel bag as she was shooing away stray cats at
her feet. “We are going to take the remains of Mr. Clark
back to the laboratory and find out what could’ve caused
this mess. It’s been recorded throughout history. There
are even pictures of these other cases. Perhaps it’s
erratic lightning, static or an internal chemical
imbalance. We may never know.”
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