SNAKE SENDS CHARTS SOARING AS
RECORD SALES HIT AN ALL TIME HIGH
“His voice just makes me want to ssssswoon,” said one
fan. She was, of course, speaking of Sadacious Snake,
the newest rock star with the highest record sales in
the shortest time since the hey day of Elvis Presley.
Fans were gathered by the thousands around the Duvernoy
Pond in Osdacious Park, hoping for a glance of the new
king of rock and roll, slither and glide.
Not wanting to let his fans down, Sadacious Snake was
only too happy to put in an appearance. “Sssso happy to
sssseee you all,” he hissed, as his fans cheered and
made hissing sounds when he was spotted. Dressed in a
gold colored suit, adorned with rings of orange and
black, Sadacious Snake was indeed a sight to behold.
Swiveling his lower body as he went, Sadacious Snake
circled the pond so that all of his fans could get a
good look at him. “Hug me baby!” screamed one fan. “Hug
me, hug me, hug me!” Fans screamed in anticipation as
Sadacious slithered out of the pond to comply with her
wish. Wrapping himself around her in a hug as only
Sadacious Snake can do, he kissed her full on the lips,
which sent her into a swoon. “I felt his tongue,” she
confided in an interview later. “I swear I did.”
Sadacious on his world
wide tour with Britney Spears
Sadacious adhered to the wishes of his fans as they
called for him to sing, putting on an impromptu concert.
He sang several of his most popular songs, including, of
course, Hug Me Baby, Sssssweet Sssizzzling Love and
Micccceee Manifesssto, which caused loyal fans to shower
him with bouquets of mice, which he received humbly and
with great thanks.
“He’s just so ssssweeet,” hissed one fan, in the
imitation of Sadacious’ speech which many of his fans
have taken up.
Sadacious picked up his guitar which is made from a sea
shell, glowing in its colors of white, pink, green and
blue. He strummed on it as he swiveled around the pond,
hissing as he went. “Oh Ssssadacioussss,” screamed Fans.
“We love you Sssssadacioussss.” Fans passed out in
swoons of adoration, as Sadacious hissed in their
direction as he passed.
Parents and others stood back from the pond in
disapproving groups as they watched what they described
as a display of wantent behavior. “No decent snake would
act like that,” said the parent of one of Sadacious most
ardent fans. “Why, the other day he just shed what he
was wearing, right in front of the children with
absolutely no shame at all. The children went wild. They
grabbed up the clothing and ripped it apart. My own
daughter brought home a piece and framed it; I thought I
would die of mortification.”
“I am the king!” shouted Sadacious in his deep hissing
voice, before disappearing into the depths of the pound.
In a later press interview, Sadacious denied any
indecent intentions in the swivels of his lower body
during his singing. “I’m jusssst nervoussss,” he
insisted. “If I had kneessss, they’d be ssshaking.”
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