WIFE SEES
HUSBAND AS MIDNIGHT SNACK
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” said Benjamin
Doran, his eyes bloodshot and droopy from lack of sleep.
“I don’t dare go to sleep at night and I have to work
days. My wife loves me, I know she does, but when the
change comes upon us, then she loves me in a different
way, with her stomach rather than her heart.”
“It’s really not my fault,” spoke up Doris Doran
stepping closer to the bank of microphones which the
news media people had set up. “You see, Ben isn’t the
only one that changes, I do also and when I change I get
these weird thoughts about my honey here. I want to eat
him! The thought keeps coming into my mind that he would
be the purrrrfeect snack!”
How Doris sees her husband at night . . . . mmmmmm
“Honey, no, you’re starting to think like a cat again,”
said Mr. Doran, who appeared to be visibly shaken. “It’s
too early for that.” Mr. Doran began to twitch his nose
frantically, his nerves obviously fraught.
“What do you mean when you speak about changing?” asked
Alexander Anderson of the New Hampshire Concord Monitor.
“Would you explain a bit further about that?”
“That’s why we called this meeting,” said Mr. Doran,
glancing nervously at his wife. “It has been our life
long secret but because of the threat to my life, we
decided to share it with the world. My life is in
danger. It is only a matter of time before something
horrible happens if we don’t get some serious help.” Mr.
Doran hesitated for a moment, looking out over the crowd
of newspaper and TV reporters. “My wife wants to eat
me,” he told them.
The crowd stared at them in stunned silence, then began
to laugh.
“Are you telling us your wife turns into a vampire?”
asked Mr. Anderson, mopping his eyes when he was finally
able to stop laughing.
“No it’s worse that that,” said Mr. Doran, the fear
showing in his face. “Far worse. You see, she turns into
a cat.”
“You mean like a lion or a tiger?” questioned Fredrick
Kingsbury of the Union Leader in Manchester, New
Hampshire.
“No, shuddered Mr. Doran. “It’s worse than that. She
turns into a house cat, a tabby.” His nose twitched
rapidly at the thought.
Mrs Doran states that claims that she's a vampire are
completely unfounded.
Mrs. Doran leaned over and rubbed her head against her
husband’s upper arm. “I really do love my sweetie,” she
told the crowd.
“Are you telling us that you, a grown man, are afraid of
a house cat?” asked Mr. Kingsbury incredulously.
“No,” said Mr. Doran, not when I’m a man. When I’m a
man, I rather like having her turn into a cat; she’s
very affectionate and loving. But you see, I change too
and when I change, she tries to eat me. The whole thing
hinges on whether I’m a man or a mouse.”
Mr. Doran -
just part of the food chain
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