Oh come all yous neds and little nedettes,
And Ah’ll tell yous a tail that yous’ll never forgets,
‘Bout the time Ah got knocked up in a bus shelter,
By Big Tam and Rab and some plooky wee skelter.
We wis drinkin’ ra Buckie doon by the river,
And Ah felt ma body go all aquiver,
Ah thought it wis the ecstasy but then realized,
It wis the dirty wee cunts wae their hands on my thighs.
By noo Ah wis blootered and could barely walk,
But the drink and the drugs made me want some cock,
And so all the guys Ah decided tae please,
And ended up it ra shelter wae ma knickers at ma knees.
A few months later ma bump started tae show,
And Ah thought tae masel’ ‘Oh fuck no!’
The last thing Ah want is a bloody wean,
For wae ma Barbie Doll Ah’d rather be playin’.
But ma mither she said no’ tae get all upset,
Thit good frae awe this could still come yet,
Dae ye know she wis right – it pays tae be loose,
Cos now Ah’m livin’ in ma ain council hoose.