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Our database of over 500 short poems - possibly the funniest five hundred short poems on the internet

Best Short Poems Collection - 13


Chocolate Cake by Gareth Lancaster

I'm scoffing lots of chocolate cake,
But not quite as much as I'd like!
I'm wolfing it down with a whirl of my spoon,
and it's flinging up, down, left and right!

It's hitting the walls and spraying the floor,
It's covered up Bessie our cat.
There's crumbs in my hair and on mother's best chair,
And the window's one choclatey splat.

But faster and faster I shovel it up,
Not bothered I'm missing my chops.
As it drips from my nose and collects in my ears,
Gloops drop from nose and go plop!

Then too quickly it's gone, there just was not enough,
As I'd said at the start of this smasher,
With my greedy delight (sloppy cake on the lights),
Not one spot found its way past my gnashers!

= = = = = = = = = =

Brian's Nose by Gareth Lancaster

Brian's nose,
He knows, you know,
Is large and round and red.
Brian's cold,
Is bad, you know,
And keeps him stuck in bed.
Brian blows,
At times, you know,
Because it feels so blocked.
But Brian blew,
So hard, you know,
His bedroom walls just rocked!

= = = = = = = = = =

ASPHYXIA by Vikash Zimba

My life has become a mess
with no zeal and no zest
emptiness has crept my heart
with fewer things left to start

Life in brief is a sickening disease
tearing you apart piece by piece
it is full of grief with no relief
and no one is to believe
when i look around
i findpeople running
for flesh and money, which i find very funny

sometimes i feel i dont belong to this world,
i find myself as a FREAK of NATURE,
who has simply been diminished to caricature,
but its all part of THE CREATOR,

Asphyxia Rules The World,
Asphyxia Rules The World.

= = = = = = = = = =

Advice from Dracula by Kenn Nesbitt

Don't ever dine with Frankenstein;
He feasts on flaming turpentine.
He chomps and chews on soles of shoes,
and quaffs down quarts of oily ooze.
At suppertime he'll slurp some slime.
He's known to gnaw on gristly grime.
His meals of mud and crispy crud
will curl your hair and chill your blood.
His poison, pungent, putrid snacks
may cause you seizures and attacks.
Your hair may turn completely white.
You may pass out or scream in fright.
Your skin will crawl.
Your throat will burn.
Your eyes will bulge.
Your guts will churn.
Your teeth will clench.
Your knees will shake.
Your hands will sweat.
Your brain will bake.
You'll cringe and cry.
You'll moan and whine.
You'll feel a chill
run down your spine.
You'll lose your lunch.
You'll lose your head.
So come...
and dine with ME instead.




<< Now check out our 500 other funny short poems >>


More Short Poems


More Poems


Funny poems from No' Rabbie Burns



<< Note our poems and pictures have been submitted by a number of contributors - if you find anything that you think should not appear here please contact the webmaster >>





















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