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Our database of over 500 short poems - possibly the funniest five hundred short poems on the internet

Short Funny Poetry Collection - 9


Rapunzel! Rapunzel! by Kenn Nesbitt

'Rapunzel! Rapunzel! You've cut off your hair!
Your billowing tresses are no longer there.
That mohawk you're sporting is spiky and pink.
I'm really not certain just what I should think.

'I came here expecting to clamber a braid,
ascending your tower to come to your aid.
Instead I have suffered the greatest of shocks
to find that you've cut off your lovely blonde locks.'

'Prince Charming, Prince Charming,' Rapunzel replied,
'I have no intention of being your bride.
We will not get married. We will not elope.
I've cut off my hair and I've braided a rope.

'You came here to visit me once every day,
and promised that soon you would take me away,
but you were too clueless to even concieve
of cutting my hair off so we could just leave.

'I cannot believe you were such a big dope.
I come and I go as I please with my rope.
And so, I'm afraid I can't give you my hand.
In spite of the fabulous wedding you planned.'

From then on Rapunzel was known through the land.
She toured the world in a rock and roll band.
And silly Prince Charming, with rocks in his head,
rode off and got married to Snow White instead.

= = = = = = = = = =

Mr Anteater by Gareth Lancaster

Hello Mr. Anteater
And how are you today?
I saw you over there
Just going about your day.

You have a sticky tongue
Just made for eating ants
You snuff into their homes
And scare them out their pants.

Your claws are long and sharp
Just right for lots of digging
You can burrow in the ground
With your bushy tail a wriggling.

So hello Mr. Anteater
And how are you today?
Busy finding food I see
Whilst your cubs run round and play.

= = = = = = = = = =

Hugs by Gareth Lancaster

Mummy wants a hug,
That's her twenty-first today!
I guess she doesn't realise,
That hugs aren't cheap these days!

I only stocked up Thursday,
And they cost a heap of cash.
For a pack of thirty Super Hugs,
My piggy bank was smashed!

So my mum will have to do,
With fewer from now on.
Or else I'll have no money left,
And my hugs will all be gone!

= = = = = = = = = =

The Tiger and the Zebra by Kenn Nesbitt

The tiger phoned the zebra
and invited him to dine.
He said 'If you could join me
that would simply be divine.'
The zebra said 'I thank you,
but respectfully decline.
I heard you ate the antelope;
he was a friend of mine.'

On hearing this the tiger cried
'I must admit it's true!
I also ate the buffalo,
the llama and the gnu.
And yes I ate the warthog,
the gazelle and kangaroo,
but I could never eat a creature
beautiful as you.

'You see I have a secret
I'm embarrassed to confide:
I look on you with envy
and a modicum of pride.
Of all the creatures ever known,'
the tiger gently sighed,
'It seems we are the only two
with such a stripy hide.

'Now seeing how we share this
strong resemblance of the skin,
I only can conclude that we are
just as close as kin.
This means you are my brother
and, though fearsome I have been,
I could not eat my brother,
that would surely be a sin.'

The zebra thought, and then replied
'I'm certain you are right.
The stripy coats we both possess
are such a handsome sight!
My brother, will you let me
reconsider if I might?
My calendar is empty so
please let us dine tonight.'

The tiger met the zebra in
his brand-new fancy car
and drove him to a restaurant
which wasn't very far.
And when they both were seated
at a table near the bar,
the zebra asked 'What's on the grill?'
The tiger said 'You are.'

'But please, you cannot dine on me!'
the outraged zebra cried.
'To cook me up and eat me
is a thing I can't abide.
You asked me for your trust
and I unwarily complied.
You said you could not eat me
now you plan to have me fried?'

'And what about the envy
and the modicum of pride?
And what of us as brothers
since we share a stripy hide?'
'I'm sorry,' said the tiger
and he smiled as he replied,
'but I love the taste of zebra
so, in other words, I lied.'




<< Now check out our 500 other funny short poems >>


More Short Poems


More Poems


Funny poems from No' Rabbie Burns



<< Note our poems and pictures have been submitted by a number of contributors - if you find anything that you think should not appear here please contact the webmaster >>





















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